HE will hold the rest

I think anyone that God has given a heart for adotion will understand where I am coming from in the post. We have all been here before, we have all felt this intense feeling of not being able to do enough. When I came home from Ethiopia, and almost everyday since I have thought of all those faces that were left behind, all those children without medical, without fresh water and food. The children like Bennet that have small medical needs that just cant be met. I feel waves of anger, waves of great saddness, waves of feeling such questioning and doubt. Earlier this week I recieved information of Bennet's birthmother, attached was a picture of her with her beautiful 9 month old baby girl, Bennet's half sister. In the email it said that she was in a great economical problem, only earning .5 cents american money a day. Her baby often gets sick with colds and she cannot provide her with medical care. Today I drove 15 miles down the road, waited an hour and got antibiotics for Ella's ear ache. It leaves me feeling so unworthy, I was complaining today about how long it was taking to get the perscription. This week a large group of orphans being hosted by families in our area, were put back on a plane to go back to Ukraine. Many of these children are unable for different reasons to have forever homes. many of them will grow up in the orphanges and then fall into prostitution, drugs, alcohol. As I look at Bennet and even though I celebrate his life with us and his future, I am so sadened by all the rest. The numbers are just unending it seems. Then today I came home and was reading a blog that often inspires me and I found some rest in what she wrote:

"I am sad and I am angry. Between no sleep and a million doctors appointments (imagine that in Uganda you wait even LONGER in the hospital than you do in the US...) and Bible club on Thursday and Saturday program tomorrow and trying to raise 13 children and spend enough time with each of them, maybe you will right my saddess and anger of as the rantings of an exhausted mother and maybe they are, but this is my blog and I am going to say what I feel like. I am MAD. I have been sad and broken for these children for so long and it has finally turned into a hardened anger. I am angry that this culture so lies to women that Michael's stepmother believes that she does not have to care for this child who is not biologically hers, though she has ample means to. I am angry that in the "Pearl of Africa" and the most fertile region of it at that, a mother has litteraly NO food to feed her baby, not to mention herself or 6 other kids. I am angry that the result of this is that these sweet ones suffer in their innocence. I have said it before and it still holds true: I DO NOT BELIEVE that the God of the universe created too many children in His image and not enough love or food or care to go around. In fact I believe that He created the Body of Christ for just that, to help these little ones, the least of these. And I believe that except for a handful, the Body of Christ is failing. And its not just me who thinks this. When I'm angry, I like to research so that I can at least feel a bit justified in my rage ;) According to several differnt resources, there are an average of 147 million orphaned children in the world today (this statistic includes children who have lost only one parent as well), 11 million children starve to death each year or die from preventable, treatable illness. 8.5 million children work as child slaves, prostitutes, or in other horrific conditions (making things like that cute baby Gap dress Jane wore today...) 2.3 million children world wide are living with HIV.

That is 168.8 million needy children like Michael and Patricia. Seems like a big number, huh? It shouldn't, because there are 2.1 BILLION people on this earth who profess to be Christians. Jesus followers. Servants. Gospel live-ers. And id only 8 percent of those Christians would care for just ONE of these needy children, they would all be taken care of.

And now I'm just sad again. And I want to take care of all 169 million. But as I look into Patricia's eyes, that since just 48 hours ago have turned bright and smiley, as I smell her hair freshly washed with baby shampoo and snuggle her into her new footie pajamas (side note: is their ANYTHING cuter than a baby in soft cotton footie pajamas?!) God tells me that this one is enough. That He will hold the others while they wait for someone to come along and hold them tight and give them their milk and their medicine. That He doesn't ask me to take them all but to stop for the ONE because that one is Jesus, His son. Stop for the little boy with white haid and scabs covering his body, stop for the baby with feces covering her dress, so weak she can't hold up her hear. Stop and take the ones right in front of me any trust Him with the rest. He whispers that it will be ok and that I can smile because tonight 2 less children are hungry and that is good for today.

My anger is gone and I am just a mom who is tired and going to make another bottle and tuck her children into bed and love them the best that I can, as we as a family love the ones God has entrusted us with. Tomorrow I will brainstorm and pray and come up with the best way to take Michael and Patricia back to their homes, possibly find their parents jobs, or supply them with food and medicine. Tomorrow I will remember that they were never mine to begin with, that they are HIS and He will go with them where I cannot. But tonight I will just be. I will just sit with my Father in my sadness and brokeness and anger and ask Him why His innocent children must suffer and beg Him to move people to action and let Him hold me as I hold the baby He has blessed me with for today."

For the Full Story

So today I will try and trust that God is holding the rest until more people are moved to action. And I will celebrate in Bennet's life and be honored that God has given him to me.

Bagley Family

I had so much fun documenting the Bagley Family. They are all so much fun and easy going. When Connie emailed me about a big family shoot I wont lie, I was a bit nervous. They were the biggest group of adults, minus sweet baby Kaydee, that I had done, not to mention that Robin, Connie and Donnie's youngest daughter, has been my best friend since forever, my roomate in college, my bestest bud! We really did have a great time. It was so cool to see they're whole family together, and getting to be a part of documenting they're family.










Click to see more of the Bagley Family

Wheelock Slideshow

Thanks again Wheelock family, it was such fun shooting your family...with a camera of course!

Wheelock Family

I met the Wheelocks through my sister, who met the Wheelocks through adoption. They are not only an amazingly beautiful family, they share the same heart beat of adoption. It was so wonderful to see them all together and to see God's work first hand. One of my favorite parts of being a photographer is being able to capture special moments in peoples lives, and I am grateful to have been a part of theirs. Here are just a few...

Summers coming to an end

Summers almost over...I'm both sad and happy. I cant wait for cooler days, and some structure. But for now, for our last week of summer we are just being bums. We are sleeping in, staying in our pjs, and Ella's favorite... eating way too much junk food. I am swearing off junk food once school begins and determined to get back in the gym. All my hard work is going to mush, literally. Oh and have I mentioned that a miracle has occurred? Bennet has finally gotten into a preschool. Thats right after a year of being on a wait list he has made it! After a year of pretty much zero time in my house without children, my little boy will be heading off two days a week to much needed school time! Yea!

New Coffee table book design

Super cute new coffee table book design! This one is the same size as the 'classic' album but has a little pizzaz! It can also easily be made to fit the smaller brag book size for grandparents.

Gotcha Day!

Just one year ago today we held our little Bennet Toufiq-y for the first time. I say 'we' held it was more like I held, if you remeber Bennet wasnt always such a fan of his dad! Wow, how he changed! Bennet has gone from an angry, confused, sad little boy to a wild, loving, outgoing 2 year old. He has been such an unbelievable blessing to this family. I honestly cannot remember life with our him. He is soooooo strong willed, and can sometimes drive me out of my mind but he has the sweetest little heart with the most expressive face you've ever met. Today we celebrated with family, we celebrated Bennet's life, and how he has forever changed this family. We went around and all said what we loved about him the most, the favorites were anywhere from his beautiful eyes, his adventurus spirit (thanks allee) to always ready and willing to play (love those potts). I said my favorite was his snuggles, he gives hugs that will melt your heart. I really cannot believe its been a year since we met him it seems like yesterday that I was in the airport getting 'the call' that we had a son. At the same time it seems like Bennet has always been here, I can't imagine my day with out him.


Our referral pic.


This was taken right after Travis left Bennet with us. 10 minutes later he was out cold, just a little stressful on the little guy.




And here he is last week playing with his two favorite princesses, sorry Ben one day you will kill your Tia!